Free for all

I had a call today from a young lady who told me she was from Crime Research UK.
Apparently she was carrying out 'research' into crime in my area and as a reward for answering questions such as 'Are you worried about home security and crime?" they would offer me a security systems with 'free' fitting.

I put it to her that she was not really researching but selling. "You aren't a researcher at all" I said.
"I am" she replied and such was her indignation that it occurred to me that she might actually believe it herself. They say that to be a good salesman you have to believe. I wonder if the same applies to a researcher.

To tell you the truth I would have given her slightly more air time if she hadn't got that word 'free' in quite so quickly. I hate it when people tell me something is free. Buy one get one free puts me right off. Just give me the free one.

Why would anyone give something away let alone employ people to do it? They only have to stack the goodies up outside any commuter railway station in the country and they will be gone in no time. Iv'e seen them do it with packets of cereal at Victoria Station. People fall over eachother to grab one, people even walk around the stand twice to get another one.

It should be even easier to give money away but apparently it isn't. Some weeks ago I got a letter telling me that I had been randomly selected by computer and I have won 56 million pounds sterling. Won 56 million pounds in a competition I didn't even enter. The only explanation is that the prize is worthless. There was a time when the pound was worth something and they could have stood there in the street handing cash out but then the pound went pop and now it seems there is all this worthless paper piling up somewhere taking up valuable space. So someone came up with the idea of giving it away in huge quantities. "Lets not mess around, lets give it to people in decent quantities. All well and good but letting a computer decide who gets it is not a good idea. I'm not a deserving cause, I don't even like shopping.

All I had to do was send them a mere £20.00 registration fee and they would then be able to place the money in my bank account after I had, of course, given them my bank details.
In the same delivery, we had another letter in an identical envelope addressed to the bloke over the road. I am ashamed to say that it crossed my mind to claim his 56 million as well (see how easily money makes you greedy) but I did the honourable thing and posted the envelope through his door.
That was several weeks ago and he is still living there in that nice, but modest, house driving a four year old hatch back and he hasn't so much as had a party.

Perhaps his randomly selected win was for a lesser sum, nowhere near the 56 million that I won when I can be bothered to cash it in. I don't dare ask him in case he thinks I'm gloating. See what money does to you.I'm now greedy and paranoid.